Well everyone I know has got a reason to say, put the past away.

I was feeling quite nostalgic last night and starting reading some old blogs that I had from back in the day. I came across some entries about a guy I used to be friends with and out of curiosity I looked him up on facebook to see what he was up to. I checked out his wall and to my surprise there were a bunch of "rest in peace" messages. As I went down the wall I realized that he passed away. What a way to find out. His girlfriend left a message saying that he had commit suicide on October 28th. For some reason this really hit home to me and I spent the entire night dwelling on it. Reminiscing about the old times and listening to "our songs".

His name was Jay and we met on FaceTheJury.com, a prehistoric facebook per say. I don't even know if that is still around. He was from the next town over and for awhile we exchanged messages. We were young kids when we met, I'd say maybe in like 10th grade. We knew a lot of the same people. Because neither of us could drive yet, we used to have our friends pick us up to hang out. We became great friends but at the time it was nothing more. He ended up getting a girl pregnant and then decided to marry her and join the Navy to support the family. While he was away in boot camp, she cheated on him and drained his bank account. It was then that we decided to "cross the line" and we both confessed our feelings for each other. When he came home on leave for 2 weeks in the summer, we spent most of the time together. It was beautiful. We'd spend hours in my car just listening to music, talking, holding hands, driving around; any way that we could be together. All of those things you do when you're young and in love.

While home on his leave he got the news that he would be stationed in Norfolk, VA after he returned to boot camp. He gave me his dogtag and promised me he would send for me. Once he was gone, it was over. He disappeared for a good year. So I of course was broken hearted for quite some time. I finally heard from him about a year later when he apologized and after that our friendship was never the same again; he had also left the Navy and I never got the right story about what happened there. He told me he'd tell me someday. We grew apart after this and he met a new girl and moved to Michigan to be with her. Fast forward 4 years and here I am... mourning his death.

I guess I always thought our paths would cross again, as they usually have on and off throughout the years. I am trying to decide whether or not to go to his funeral services on this coming Tuesday. My friends say I should because I might regret it later if I don't. I don't know, I'm torn. I covered my shift at work so I have the option. I have a couple of days to decide. I don't know why I'm letting this bother me so much. I think it's because death is so final. Either way, I hope he rests in peace.

Revelation #8473: I'm going to (try) to lose weight! (again)

As another "fat" summer is about to end, I am embarking on a journey. One that I've tried before but ever so unsucessfully. I'm going to attempt to lose weight. I am so over the fact that the normal me is a fat girl and that it's so apparent to everyone. I know I'm big but when I see pictures I can't help but think "daaamn". Not to mention, my sister has just sweated off 85 pounds and I'm really never going to hear the end of that one. It's bad enough she's always been on my case to get my thyroid check because hyperactive thyroid runs in the family. She says that's why she lost weight. Could it be that she's living off of a one income and feeding three children? Maybe she's just not eating? I don't know. What I do know is I'm finally going to do this.

I've been big for a few years now. It started after high school when I didn't have to walk anywhere anymore because I got a car. And that car made easy access to fast food joint drive-thrus. I'd also like to blame the dollar menu at each and every one of those easy accessible fatty traps. I mean c'mon, they make it so alluring! Cheap food that tastes so sinfully fulfilling? No wonder America is so fat. It's not our fault we have no self control!

And that's exactly what it all boils down to. Self-Control. I'll be the first to admit that those words have rarely been in my vocabulary. Especially when it comes to food! I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, and when I have nothing else to do. Hell, even if I have something to do! It is how I reward myself. Well finally all of those pounds I have really packed on are really adding up.

I'm making a step in the right direction. Wednesday morning at 9am I will be attending a Weight Watchers meeting. I'm giving in. The funny part is, I know many people who have sucessfully lost a ton of weight from doing Weight Watchers. So why have I waited? Lack of Self-Control. Procrastionation. Laziness. I can come with a million excuses but they'll all just make me hungry so I'm going to stop there.

I'll keep you informed on how it goes. :)

Size 10 = Plus Size? I think not!

Being a full-figured woman, I am appalled hear that Crystal Renn is being considered a plus size model at a size 10! I hadn't even heard of her until just recently so searched for her on Google Images. While it's clear to me that she's fluctuated with her weight over the years, she certainly is not plus sized at the moment. There's a lot of media attention on the fact that she was photo-shopped to look like a size 2.

A size 10 is definitely not even close to plus size. In fact a 10 is still on the "skinny" side of the store, if you're lucky enough to find a store that has "plus sizes". No wonder women have so many weight issues. Who decides what's plus size? The fashion world?  If it were up to them, we'd all have to be a size 2, 4 or *gasp* a 6!

All I want to know is if a 10 is fat than what the hell am I. Check out this this article to see just what I'm talking about. I think Crystal Renn is a beautiful woman and she looks beautiful no matter what her pant size is.

I love summer!!

I've totally been neglectful and I apologize if anyone bothers to follow me.

Things have been going pretty well. Just trying to keep cool, literally. This has been the hottest summer we've seen in a long time and I'm not complaining. I'm fortunate enough to have a pool at home and at work! It's awesome and I take full advantage of it. Work's going well. I've been doing alot of trainings such as CPR, CPI, etc. It's awesome to be able to put them on my resume.

I'm loving my new car! It's amazing. I put full coverage on it because I was so nervous driving it, especially in the summertime. I live in a very large tourist attraction area and I don't trust their driving.

Anyway, I'm just keeping things brief tonight. I'm off to pass out. Talk to you soon!

It's 8am and almost 80 out!

It's been quite some time since I last posted. Almost a month. I can't believe how neglectful I've been to my blog! I really need to get back to writing here. It's a great way for me to express my thoughts and reflect.

I'm still getting adjusted to working 2nd shift. I like it but it's different for me getting home sometimes as last as 11pm. It's nice to sleep in though. Work is going well. I'm definitely "fitting in" at the group home. We're short staffed so I've been working up to 50 hours a week. The guys have their ups and downs but overall I enjoy working with them and knowing I'm making a difference in their lives.

I finally got a new car yesterday! It's all legal and on the road. It's an 02 Chevy Monte Carlo. It's sexy! I'm gonna miss the little Sentra. That car was awesome to me for the last 3 years, especially since it was supposed to be "only temporary". It never left me on the side of the road though their were some very close calls! I'm up bright and early today because I can't wait to go out driving!

I got two wisdom teeth out last friday and this morning I have a follow-up. The gums hurt so bad where they were, I'm really hoping it's healing properly! I'm nervous about going because the Surgeon can be a real jerk. His bedside manners suck, I've noticed it and so has anyone else I know that has been to him.

Anyway, that was just a quick update. I will talk to you later!

Did you miss me?!

I can't believe I've went this long without writing. There's no excuse other than I forgot! Things have been going pretty well other than the fact that my grandfather died on May 28th. He was 82 years old. He had a heart attack and the whole thing was just devastating. He was an incredible man and I loved him very much. He was always there for me especially when I was a child. When I was having a bad day, Grandpa would come pick me up and I'd spent so much time with him which I consider myself lucky for. He actually beat cancer about a year ago as well. I had the honor of doing a reading at his funeral which I was nervous about but did it graciously. As much as I miss him, I'm glad to know he lead a full life.

Work has been going pretty well. I'm still getting to know the guys and their habits. They all seem to enjoy having me. I always try to make sure everyone's having a good time as well as getting their daily routine taken care of. They just love to test our patience. haha. I'm glad to have a job where I'm making a difference in the lives of other people. It is a very rewarding job. And I finally work for a company who actually takes care of their employees! Hallelujah! I was able to get paid for the days I missed when Grandpa died. That never happened at Friendly's even after all of the years I put it. I have to admit how amazing it feels to drive by that hell hole and know that I don't have to even so much as pull in the parking lot. The other day was free ice cream day and the guys wanted to go. I didn't even want to go there for that! No way! So second shift took them instead. LoL.
Anyway, I'm gonna go pass out as I am exhausted! Talk to ya soon!

I love days off.

So today I had my first day off in a long time. Sort of. I had to go to mandatory training for work. When you get hired by this agency, you have to through a series of training courses. There's a lot. The good part is you get paid to go. The bad? It's usually on your day off. So I had to go to "Core Curriculum" today. I learned a lot in four hours. The importance of hand washing. Always wear gloves when deal with sick consumers. All sorts of really boring, common sense stuff. At least the guy teaching it was a lot of fun, he made it less painful.

That was the excitement of my day. I went shopping (wouldn't be a day off for me if I didn't!) and now I'm going to relax and watch a movie. Going first thing in the AM for a much needed mani/pedi to get ready for this weekends shenanigans. I have a Bachelorette party to go to! We're going to the City, getting a hotel room, and romping around the city. The whole 9. It's gonna be amazing. I'll tell you all about it. :)