Saturday, November 6, 2010

Well everyone I know has got a reason to say, put the past away.

I was feeling quite nostalgic last night and starting reading some old blogs that I had from back in the day. I came across some entries about a guy I used to be friends with and out of curiosity I looked him up on facebook to see what he was up to. I checked out his wall and to my surprise there were a bunch of "rest in peace" messages. As I went down the wall I realized that he passed away. What a way to find out. His girlfriend left a message saying that he had commit suicide on October 28th. For some reason this really hit home to me and I spent the entire night dwelling on it. Reminiscing about the old times and listening to "our songs".

His name was Jay and we met on, a prehistoric facebook per say. I don't even know if that is still around. He was from the next town over and for awhile we exchanged messages. We were young kids when we met, I'd say maybe in like 10th grade. We knew a lot of the same people. Because neither of us could drive yet, we used to have our friends pick us up to hang out. We became great friends but at the time it was nothing more. He ended up getting a girl pregnant and then decided to marry her and join the Navy to support the family. While he was away in boot camp, she cheated on him and drained his bank account. It was then that we decided to "cross the line" and we both confessed our feelings for each other. When he came home on leave for 2 weeks in the summer, we spent most of the time together. It was beautiful. We'd spend hours in my car just listening to music, talking, holding hands, driving around; any way that we could be together. All of those things you do when you're young and in love.

While home on his leave he got the news that he would be stationed in Norfolk, VA after he returned to boot camp. He gave me his dogtag and promised me he would send for me. Once he was gone, it was over. He disappeared for a good year. So I of course was broken hearted for quite some time. I finally heard from him about a year later when he apologized and after that our friendship was never the same again; he had also left the Navy and I never got the right story about what happened there. He told me he'd tell me someday. We grew apart after this and he met a new girl and moved to Michigan to be with her. Fast forward 4 years and here I am... mourning his death.

I guess I always thought our paths would cross again, as they usually have on and off throughout the years. I am trying to decide whether or not to go to his funeral services on this coming Tuesday. My friends say I should because I might regret it later if I don't. I don't know, I'm torn. I covered my shift at work so I have the option. I have a couple of days to decide. I don't know why I'm letting this bother me so much. I think it's because death is so final. Either way, I hope he rests in peace.