This quote popped into my head today at a time that I really needed to smile. It got me through that moment of tears and sadness.
I did my best to hold it together. After all, it was Easter Sunday and I had every reason to be having a good time. We were having brunch with my boyfriend's family, which after 5 years together, they're my family too. My mind was busy with thoughts of my own parents. And my brothers. One is away at college in NC and the other.. well, he's in heaven.
Tomorrow marks the 5th year of Michael's passing. 5 years. How did I get here from there? It's true what they say, that time heals. But that's a wound that will never heal. It's gotten easier, yes, but the anniversaries of his death are always so hard.
Five years ago today, my family was all together. We were having our last holiday as a whole. Easter fell on the 8th that year, just like this one. We lost him on the 9th. I've accepted that he's not coming back but it's still hard to know our family is incomplete without him. I guess I get so jealous seeing my boyfriend's family all together. So happy. Holidays make my parents want to hide and I don't blame them. Today I wanted to hide away too. I disappeared after brunch to the bathroom after reading my phone. I had updates that my friends had written messages on my late Brothers facebook wall. I started welling up with tears right there on the couch and had to get away. I didn't want attention, I wish no one had even noticed that I was gone.
I can't say I want people to know how I feel because it's a horrible low. No one should feel that way. But sometimes it's so hard when no one else understands. Except my parents and my brother Dan. Tomorrow is going to be incredibly difficult and I really wish I had taken the day off from work. I guess it wouldn't have done me any good since I'd just be a hermit all day but I'd probably be better off. God grant me the strength to get through it. You've taken us this far, so I have faith. I don't know where I'd be without it.
