I don't even know the person in those photos anymore. How did I become this LARGE? Actually - Extra, extra large. And well on my way to adding another "extra" if I don't stop now. This is completely out of control. The weaker part of me says I don't know what to do but that's not true. I know what I need to do. I need to STOP letting the food control me. The hunger pangs that tell me I need to have whatever I want, when I want it need to stop. I can't give in anymore.
At this point in my life, I have an amazing man that loves me and a beautiful baby girl who needs me. She's almost walking (yes it's true, I've been away from this blog for far too long, again.) and I need to be able to catch up with her. I need to be able to play with her without getting winded. I need to be a role model to her. And most importantly, I need to be here in the physical world for a very long time for her. This all leads to the fact that I need to start a diet now. Not next week, but tomorrow. I wish I had someone to shop and cook for me. Someone to keep my ass out of those drive-thrus and my hands out of the potato chip bags.
Winter is well on it's way and so are the holidays. Many words come to mind; hibernation, baking, sweatpants, hoodies, etc. Every excuse in the book to be lazy. Nothing that's even remotely motivating. My beautiful little girl needs to be my motivation. Life should be my motivation. I need to do this for her. And selfishly, I do need to do this for myself.
I'm so disgusted with the way my body looks. I can't blame having a baby on it, I've been big for years. I'm going to figure out a budget worthy "ideal protein" type diet to stick to. Here's to a new body - I hope.