Stay at Home Mom? Nope, I'm a Work from Home mom!

2013 was the fastest year of my life. It was also the most amazing.

On the second day of 2013, I gave birth (albeit 3 weeks early!) to the most beautiful little baby girl. At the time, I didn't know what the future was other than that I was now a mom to this precious little person. I no longer had a job. How were we going to do this on one income? I had TDI through my state and an additional plan through Aflac but that would all end in 6 weeks. Then what?

Then came the best thing that could have happened at that point in time.

From day one when my daughter was born, I researched every single option I could to find a stay at home job. The job I had at the time made me completely miserable and there was no future (but that's for a whole other blog post - or not). My entire check would go straight to the daycare, so what would be the point of going back?

What I found in my research was every gimmick on the web. It was then that I gained a new respect for those Pampered Chef and Avon stickers that you see on the back of mini-vans. Just a mom doing what she can to support her children (and possibly have fun doing it!). I knew selling wasn't for me. Those pyramid and MLM marketing schemes aren't my cup of tea - though they must work because they're still around! Medical transcription? No thank you. A call center position setup from home? Good luck with trying to hear me with a screaming child in the background.

What was I going to do? I spent 6 weeks with this sweet little baby that I could imagine leaving with anyone else. I have waitressing experience, that's quick cash. I thought for sure that I'd be working night shifts eternally. Trading off the baby when he comes home from work in the afternoon. I had a couple of waitressing interviews lined up, my Dunkin Donuts application just ready to be dropped off.

I'd been going through a hiring process for a few weeks in the meantime with a company that was hiring for Virtual Assistants. I met a few other moms in a forum that worked for the company and swore it was the best job for our situation. So I had a lot of hope but not much faith in it panning out in my favor. At the time, it was "the dream" but I knew I had to be realistic and find a "real job".

It was then that I was hired. I now had the opportunity to work from home. No daycare
No working the nights away wondering if she started doing something new that I'd miss. It was an amazing opportunity to make more money than I was earning working 40 hours (I think most weeks I work around 15 hours total). From my couch, in my pajamas. With my daughter right here with me. We have the freedom to enjoy our days together. If we want to go out shopping for a couple of hours, we can. Hang at home today? Sure thing. A-mazing.

Here we are, nearly a year later since I started with this job. I'm a Virtual Assistant (google it) and I couldn't be happier! I'm still so smitten with the fact that we can earn two incomes and I can raise our daughter from home. It makes me so proud to live in a time where this is possible because I know that my parents both worked full-time (if not, more) to make ends meet and this wasn't an option then. What an incredible opportunity and I feel so blessed.

Time to change.

I don't even know the person in those photos anymore. How did I become this LARGE? Actually - Extra, extra large. And well on my way to adding another "extra" if I don't stop now. This is completely out of control. The weaker part of me says I don't know what to do but that's not true. I know what I need to do. I need to STOP letting the food control me. The hunger pangs that tell me I need to have whatever I want, when I want it need to stop. I can't give in anymore.

At this point in my life, I have an amazing man that loves me and a beautiful baby girl who needs me. She's almost walking (yes it's true, I've been away from this blog for far too long, again.) and I need to be able to catch up with her. I need to be able to play with her without getting winded. I need to be a role model to her. And most importantly, I need to be here in the physical world for a very long time for her. This all leads to the fact that I need to start a diet now. Not next week, but tomorrow. I wish I had someone to shop and cook for me. Someone to keep my ass out of those drive-thrus and my hands out of the potato chip bags.

Winter is well on it's way and so are the holidays. Many words come to mind; hibernation, baking, sweatpants, hoodies, etc. Every excuse in the book to be lazy. Nothing that's even remotely motivating. My beautiful little girl needs to be my motivation. Life should be my motivation. I need to do this for her. And selfishly, I do need to do this for myself.

I'm so disgusted with the way my body looks. I can't blame having a baby on it, I've been big for years. I'm going to figure out a budget worthy "ideal protein" type diet to stick to. Here's to a new body - I hope.

Las Vegas bound.

This time tomorrow I will be on a 3 hour layover in Milwaukee, half way through my trip to Las Vegas! Right now I'm taking a break from last minute errands, cleaning, and packing. In a couple of hours I will be boarding a train Boston bound to spend the night with my friends that I am going on vacation with.

This vacation is so necessary. Work has been wicked stressful and my mind just needs a break. I'm a little nervous about the flights but I know we'll be just fine. I am a nervous flyer. I work myself up over it especially in the last 24 hours before takeoff. I did just finish a book that was super helpful and rational. I am absolutely fascinated with the amazing art of flying. I love taking off and landing, it's such an adrenaline rush. It's the turbulence that gets my nerves going. I used to fly when I was younger and never had a fear. I've just developed this anxiety in the last 5 years. It's hard to put a finger on the how and why but I'm thinking it has everything to do with my brother's death. I do have Vicodin this time so that should help with the anxiety.  I guess I used to have no fear and now death is such a real thing; I always assume/expect the worst which I know is not the way to look at it. I need to see it for what it is. Thousands of planes fly everyday and everyone is safe. The flight crew and pilots do this everyday for their jobs. I need to focus on the fact that we are so lucky to fly and the ability to do so is simply amazing!

Anyway, just wanted to drop in with an update. I will definitely blog when I return with pics and details. Have a great week friends!!

Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

This quote popped into my head today at a time that I really needed to smile. It got me through that moment of tears and sadness. 

I did my best to hold it together. After all, it was Easter Sunday and I had every reason to be having a good time. We were having brunch with my boyfriend's family, which after 5 years together, they're my family too. My mind was busy with thoughts of my own parents. And my brothers. One is away at college in NC and the other.. well, he's in heaven. 

Tomorrow marks the 5th year of Michael's passing. 5 years. How did I get here from there? It's true what they say, that time heals. But that's a wound that will never heal. It's gotten easier, yes, but the anniversaries of his death are always so hard. 

Five years ago today, my family was all together. We were having our last holiday as a whole. Easter fell on the 8th that year, just like this one. We lost him on the 9th. I've accepted that he's not coming back but it's still hard to know our family is incomplete without him. I guess I get so jealous seeing my boyfriend's family all together. So happy. Holidays make my parents want to hide and I don't blame them. Today I wanted to hide away too. I disappeared after brunch to the bathroom after reading my phone. I had updates that my friends had written messages on my late Brothers facebook wall. I started welling up with tears right there on the couch and had to get away. I didn't want attention, I wish no one had even noticed that I was gone. 

I can't say I want people to know how I feel because it's a horrible low. No one should feel that way. But sometimes it's so hard when no one else understands. Except my parents and my brother Dan. Tomorrow is going to be incredibly difficult and I really wish I had taken the day off from work. I guess it wouldn't have done me any good since I'd just be a hermit all day but I'd probably be better off. God grant me the strength to get through it. You've taken us this far, so I have faith. I don't know where I'd be without it.

I just had to get that off of my chest.

I can't wait until I have before & after pics!

I've spent the last couple of days gearing myself up to begin eating healthy again. Back in May, I started going to a new obgyn. In the future I will research before I start a new doctor because that was my first and last visit with her. Her english was so broken that I could barely understand her and she was just downright rude. She told me I am "morbidly obese". I understand that is a clinical term but what an awful word that "morbid" is. When I think "morbid", I think "death" instantly. I clearly understand that my BMI classifies me in that category but the way she spoke to me was demeaning. I left that appointment in tears and called my best friend to say I was done being fat. I immediately went to the grocery store and bought salad supplies. I did great for about a month and probably lost about 15 pounds. Everything was fitting "loosely" and I could squeeze into sizes I haven't gotten past my thighs in years. I became so confident that I started to reward myself with food.

Since then I've probably gained that weight back and then some. I need to take control again and not give up. I need to lose about 100lbs. The weather has been so beautiful this weekend that I felt so inspired to start walking again. Yesterday I walked to the end of my road and back which is just about a mile and a half total. What do I do today? Make some delicious apple crisp. Here I go rewarding myself again. But at least it's fruit, right? I did only have a 6 inch @ Subway today so I'm sure a little sliver of apple crisp won't be too bad. What I've learned in the past is I can't have a strict "diet", it just doesn't work for me. I need to eat healthy and really emphasize the term "healthy" rather than "diet".

I might try having instant oatmeal for breakfast and lunch, then have a healthy dinner no later than 7pm. It's worth a shot. I just need to find something that works for me and stick to it. I want to look good again. I no longer recognize that person in pictures that is supposed to be myself.

Cheers to eating healthy and finding my way back over to the OTHER side of the store. :-)

Finally on the right track.

I'm finally at a point in my life where everything seems to be headed in the right direction. I have a wonderful boyfriend and next month marks our 5 year anniversary. That alone is just amazing to me. He's a great guy and he makes me so happy. But enough about all of that, I finally have goals that seem obtainable. I'm at the half way mark of achieving my Associate's Degree in Business Administration. I took this semester off and have been beating myself up over it ever since. I'm done taking off any time from school, it's time to buckle down and get that degree. I need it to move forward in my life.

Though I need the degree to get further and obtain a job I love, it feels good to know that things are on the right track. I love the clients I'm working with and it feels great to be making a difference in their lives but it's just not a permanent job for me. I feel like there's a reason I'm there. I've always known I wanted to work with people with developmental disabilities and I just feel like when the time comes to move on, I'll have felt a sense of accomplishment from this job. I've learned so much in the year and a half that I've already been there. The benefits are wonderful and the organization I work for really cares about their employees. The pay is not that great but it's a far cry from waiting tables. I'm really thankful those days are long gone.

Speaking of waitressing, Friendly's has gone bankrupt. There wasn't any job security when I worked there for those 6 years so I can't even imagine working there now when they've closed down a long list of stores. I'm sure there's even more on the chopping block. While I feel terrible for my friends that do still work there, I hope this will give them an opportunity to venture out and get away from that hell hole. I'm not bitter over that place, I swear! ;-)

Anyway friends, I need to get going with my day so I'll talk to you soon!

R.I.P. Steve Jobs.

I've never in my lifetime owned an Apple computer but I am a bit familiar with them as my best friend growing up always had one. I've always been a PC girl but I do have to say that I would love to get one in the near future.

The world lost a great man yesterday. Steve Jobs, the former CEO and co-founder of Apple & Pixar Animation Studios died yesterday. He struggled with Pancreatic Cancer and also had a tumor removed in 2009 . He stepped down from his position of CEO @ Apple just about 6 weeks ago. He must've known he didn't have much time. I never knew much about the man until I heard he had resigned and I've learned a lot about him, along with the rest of the world, now that he has passed away.

If you don't know much about him, or even if you do, I recommend watching the video below. It's a commencement speech he made in 2005 and is truly inspirational. That man was the epitome of living your dreams. He's certainly inspired me. He changed the world by inventing the Apple computer and opening the door for his competitors. He gave us digital music in the form of the iPod, the iTunes store, the amazing iPad, and the iPhone, my personal favorite. He also saved Apple when they were nearly bankrupt in 1996 and led them into being the most valuable company in the world presently. He accomplished so much in his short 56 years. He's now high in the ranks with Thomas Edison and Einstein which I completely agree with. If it weren't for Steve Jobs, we wouldn't have this technology that we can longer live without. 

REST IN PEACE STEVE JOBS

1955 - 2011